The What, the Why, and a Little How on using Emotional Intelligence (E.I.).
If you’ve never heard of emotional intelligence don’t get all emotional. Excellent chances are there’s someone you know who’s right there with you. I was in the training and development field for a year or so when someone mentioned emotional intelligence. My response: “Emotional what?!” (and thus, the blog title). For those who are unfamiliar with emotional intelligence, read on and I’ll introduce some basics. For those who are familiar with EI (you get to use initials when you’re familiar with it!) please read on anyway.
Here, we are just going to skim the surface and look at some main points; there is certainly more to EI than what we’ll cover in this short blog. Hopefully you’ll gain something new or, better yet, leave a comment and share something new with us!
What in the heck is it?
First, to clear up any unlikely confusion, we’re all human beings and we’re all unique. Astounding, I know! We each find joy in different things, we get sad or mad at different things, our needs and desires are different, and we show our emotions differently. Yes, we do have some things in common; we all cried when Old Yeller died (we all did, right?). For the most part, however, we are not all the same. If we were, communicating, building relationships, leading and managing would be so much easier because what works for one person certainly would work for everyone else. Cue your sad emotion because humans are just not made that way. Emotional Intelligence to the rescue!
Emotional intelligence is more about assessing yourself, but it does include the skill of understanding others. Simply put (very simply), it involves recognizing and being aware of your emotions, questioning how those emotions will affect other people, and then intelligently using that awareness to think and act accordingly. For example, if I am irritated from work and about to have a conversation with my wife, emotional intelligence helps me to be aware of my irritation, to understand that it could affect how I talk to my wife and encourages me to intensely focus on controlling my emotions and think before I speak. Or, I could ditch emotional intelligence, grab a pillow and blanket, and set up my bed on the couch; I suppose that’s option #2.
Emotional intelligence also involves understanding the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of others. Look at others, individually, identify with how they are feeling, and then intelligently determine how to best interact with them. An easy example of this would be how adults typically talk to young children. Do they talk to a three-year-old the same way they would talk to an adult? Of course not. With young children they are more colorful, dramatic, and expressive. That’s emotional intelligence at work.
Why would I want to get better at it?
Great question; I’m glad you asked. For starters, there is a direct correlation between the amount of success a person has and the amount of emotional intelligence they have. People that have a high degree of emotional intelligence have a higher success rate. This is backed up by studies and statistics.
If you want to increase your chances of success, increase your emotional intelligence. In addition, this study showed that people with high emotional intelligence make significantly higher wages than people with lower emotional intelligence. And if success and money isn’t enough, emotional intelligence helps you manage and strengthen relationships, both at home and at work. So, really, the question should be “Why would I not want to get better at it?”
How can I improve it?
Well, there are books and websites solely dedicated to increasing your emotional intelligence so attempting to cover it all here would be futile. We will, however, take a brief look at a few helpful hints. First, it is important to know that emotional intelligence is a skill that can be learned. Yes, there are some people who are just naturally gifted with emotional intelligence. Life, sometimes, just isn’t fair. But you can become an emotional intelligence ninja if you put in the time and effort.
So, how can you improve? Take a look:
1. Practice being self-aware. Regularly take an honest look at yourself, recognize and understand your emotions, and think about how those emotions will affect how you interact with others.
2. Practice managing your emotions; don’t let them control you. Do not confuse this with ignoring your emotions; this is about accepting and working with them not against them. Make it a habit to think before you speak or act.
3. Work at being motivated. Most people agree that motivation is a key component to emotional intelligence. Pursue goals with passion, tenacity, and energy. Equally important, practice being optimistic even when things aren’t looking too good. Practice makes perfect, yes?
4. Develop your skill of empathy. Empathy is identifying and experiencing the feelings and attitudes of others as if you were them. It is not putting yourself in their shoes and thinking “how would I deal with this?”; it is understanding how they are dealing with it as themselves. Empathy is not an easy skill to learn; empathy takes work and practice (and more practice). But I promise you, it is one of the best skills a person can develop, and it is worth the hard work.
5. Work on your social skills. Social skills include how you communicate and interact with others, how you build relationships, taking on a team mentality instead of a me-first mentality, and searching for how to help others before helping yourself. In my opinion, another great social skill is remembering to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.
The list of social skills is extensive; these are just a few.
Well, look at that! Now you know what emotional intelligence is, why you would want to get better at it, and a little bit of how to improve it. No longer will you respond with “Emotional what?!” And, as a bonus, now YOU can call it EI too. Look at you go!
Go forth, my friends. Serve, Lead and Inspire!