Workers want coaches not bosses. So, managers it’s high time to bring your leadership “A-game” and polish your coaching skills!

It’s official: The Gallup polling company’s newest book “It’s the Manager” has uncovered what we always knew: managers are the key to overall business success, when they possess leadership skills.

With a hoard of millennials flooding the workforce, the book states that coaching skills are at the forefront of critical leadership skills desired by workers today. Workers are demanding it. In fact, the book states that workers today want coaches, not bosses.

Coaching is a leadership skill that all managers should possess. That includes, but is not limited to, building trust, communicating, embracing difference and giving feedback to build others into self-reliant problem-solving machines.

You have to build trust with an individual in order to teach them. You must also be a leader who embraces and understands differences in folks, is a great communicator, and can give and receive feedback effectively.

Though you may be a good coach, you may still find these 3 conversations cringe-worthy, and you may attempt to steer clear of them all together. Follow these tips and you will look forward to seeing every coaching conversation as an opportunity.

It’s important that you’re in the right mindset before coaching anyone.

• All coaching is an opportunity – Yeah, that’s right! Regardless of how troublesome the conversation might be, stay positive and remember that every coaching conversation should be viewed as an opportunity to help sustain or change behavior.
• Stay calm, cool and collected – You are in charge of your own attitude and reactions. Check your emotions prior to coaching. If you’re scared, angry, anxious, etc., avoid coaching for a moment until you can get your emotions in check. Coaching is about seeking success for all parties involved.
• Roleplay/practice – This is a big help, especially for new managers. Seek out a peer or mentor and talk through or roleplay the conversation. It may not go exactly like you practiced, and in fact isn’t likely to, but roleplaying is a great way to feel more comfortable with coaching through the tough stuff.

#1 Conversation: The employee is defensive or angry

The direct report missed a deadline, came in late, messed up some process (didn’t staple a cover letter to the TPS report)… again. You’ve addressed it once before, and the employee met you with defense mechanisms like a starship raising its shields. Maybe they denied responsibility, withdrew into silence, or endlessly explained or rationalized making excuses, or any other unhelpful response.

Tips: Remind yourself that your job is to listen, not fight. This is all about changing behavior at this point. Respond calmly with what was observed and what the impact of the behavior is. Let the employee react, and encourage objections (“tell me more about that”). You may ask the person what their responsibility/accountability is in all this. Partner for performance. Put it on them to solve the issue by asking what they might change. Through it all, show support and caring for them. Tell them you have confidence in them and let them recommend a solution. If it sounds like a good thing, tell them you will support them.

#2 Conversation: When the news is bad

First, consider what bad news might be (e.g., role change, department change, written warning). Second, realize that whenever you’re coaching someone, honesty is critical.

Tips: Focus on the issue at hand and don’t sugar coat bad news. Focus on the message to be delivered and never forget, coaching is an opportunity for both coach and employee to grow.

If the employee doesn’t understand, resolve that through explaining or providing additional information. If they are not convinced about your claim, provide solid evidence like examples or statistics. If the direct report has a valid complaint or disadvantage, help them understand the balance of advantages vs. disadvantages. If it’s a real complaint and the situation sucks, listen carefully, acknowledge the reality and explain how you need to all still move forward despite how bad it really is.

Note: Bad news should never be on an annual review unless it has been coached through previously. That is unfair and a way to avoid being a good coach.

#3 Conversation: Giving “Kudos”

Wait, this seems easy, right? The reason this is included here is that many coaches either avoid it, or just miss the opportunity to give reinforcing feedback. Reinforcing feedback is designed to seek out good behavior, acknowledge the good behavior, and then sincerely thank them for the good behavior. It is literally that simple. There is no better feedback you can give that will have longer lasting results than reinforcing feedback.

All of us do things wrong. If I asked you to critique this blog, you will most likely point out the parts you didn’t like. But if you asked me to do the same with a blog you wrote, you would want to hear the positives. That’s human nature. We are all programmed to give criticism, but we only want to receive positive feedback.

Tips: Instead of finding fault and catching employees doing things wrong, make it part of your day, every day, to catch people doing things right. This is not a high-five moment. This is a sincere and specific thank you, “Susan, I noticed you did X, and the impact on the rest of the team is Y, I just want to thank you for being a great team player, I appreciate you!” It’s that simple and that quick. Find one or two people a day doing something right and sincerely thank them for it.  It’s like giving a “kudos” or thanking someone, it’s a huge positive boost and we humans thrive in positive environments. Make a habit of giving “kudos.”

There is so much more to coaching, but remember that good coaching is a conscious choice and skill that requires understanding and plenty of practice. It has amazing potential to improve employees’ performance, as long as it’s done well. The beauty of coaching is that anyone can do it.

Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximize THEIR OWN performance. It’s guiding their learning and understanding, and goes farther than just teaching them to do the job. It’s caring enough to lead them by utilizing one of leadership’s greatest skills, coaching.